I can’t stop these tears from flowing. I just don’t understand.
Why was I not good enough for you? Why didn’t you talk to me before leaving? Why would you choose someone that has the personality of a cardboard box?
We had plans. We had a future. I am so lost without you and I just want to die. I’m so mad at you for not fighting for us. I love you so fucking much.
My mind is filled with negativity. I am no longer motivated. No longer happy. Why is this?! I need something worth living for. My life is now dominated by money, pills, and sadness. I need to get these evil thoughts out of my brain. I’ve come so close to cutting myself, burning myself, and basically anything I can think of that is destructive to my body.
I have to figure out my future. I can’t live like this forever. This car accident seriously fucked me up. I was so happy up until that point. Fucking douchebag.
Today is the first day in a long time where I’ve felt lonely. I want to cry. I hope this passes as fast as it came. Night tumblr-ers.
I had a vivid dream that we finally got to speaking,
You said you were sorry that you had left me alone and weeping.
Your face glowing and bright,
Was such a beautiful sight.
Apologetic with a sincerity so pure,
I’d never love another; I was undoubtedly sure.
I awoke to realize this was all in my head.
Lying there cold and alone in my spacious bed.
Invisible monsters lurking in the night,
The unwanted truth of you coming to light.
Painful emptiness ripping at my chest,
Without you I will never be able to truly rest.
This obsession has been eating away at my soul,
I’ve lost who I am and I’m no longer whole.
(Edit: This one is also one of my absolute favourite old posts of mine)
The crisp cold air lingers in silence. It is so eerily quiet that the slightest crunch of a crisp leaf or snap of a twig is deafening. Her thoughts are even more deafening. Warm tears roll down her porcelain face; temporarily comforting until they turn into ice cold reminders of her pain. Her skin, tear-stained like the grass of a calm, dewy morning. But she is anything but calm. As she tries to escape from her mind she quickens her pace as though running from herself. But her shallow breaths remind her of the deep, searing pain inside of her chest. Her heart, she can feel it now. Only now, it is in fragmented pieces, scattered inside her chest. She can feel the jagged edges piercing her lungs. As she gasps for more air the fragments pierce even deeper. The tears are now blinding her vision; it’s all a blur. Everything is spinning around her; she feels sick. She loses her balance and collapses into the cold, damp grass. Her body shaking with her cries she lies there cold and alone with nothing but her thoughts and that ever-looming feeling of emptiness and sadness. The soul of this once positive and spirited girl is now gone. She is nothing but an empty shell now. And as she gets up from the cold ground she begins to walk home but this time she feels nothing.
(Edit: So I was looking through my old posts and this one stood out to me. It is one of my very first posts on here and it still remains my favourite)
All I want to do is cry right now. I have too much on my plate, too many people to please, and not enough time or energy. I feel like people just keep taking from me and I have nothing left for myself. I have no down time. When I do have a few spare seconds I’m getting texts or tweets. I just want to shut my phone off sometimes.
I also don’t know how to shut “work mode” off. I am constantly thinking about work and doing things related to work. I am slowly losing my friends and my touch with reality. I could afford to take some time off, but I want to work as much as possible since I won’t be working a ton in the summer.
My life is great now, I shouldn’t complain, but I’m just overwhelmed.
I don’t let many people into my life, so if I let you in please know that it’s because I love and care about you. I don’t really share or show my feelings very often. I hate the vulnerability of it all. The few people I have in my life are the ones who I truly care for even though I may not show it all the time.
I don’t like seeing those people go through hard times, but I’m also really awful at knowing the right things to say when things aren’t going well. I wish I could be the one who says all the right things, but I can at least be a shoulder to cry on and be there to listen.
To you: I love and care about you and I hate seeing you like this. You’re usually the strong one and I’m the weak one, so now that it’s flipped around I don’t know what to say to you. I just wish you could be here or I could be there so that I could do a better job. I just want to hold you and tell you that everything is going to be okay. I don’t really know what exactly is going on that is making you feel this way, but if you need someone to talk to please know that I’m always here for you. I know that’s hard to believe since I’ve bailed so many times, but that’s when things were rough for me (I know that’s no excuse). I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life again. I’m sorry if this whole thing is dramatic, but I just can’t get you off my mind right now. I’m so worried about you. Please just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are one of the strongest people I know, so I know you can make it through whatever this is. I have faith in you love <3