Guess what! I had a GOOD day today. I did nothing special. I took my cat to the groomers, went to the bank, and went to Walmart. Just getting out of the house was all I needed to improve my mood. I’m going to the doctors tomorrow and I might go shopping after (giving myself a limit though) because that always makes me feel happy. I think I need to get out of my house every day, even if it’s just for a 20 minute walk. I think that’s what I need to keep myself sane.
Thanks for all the messages guys. I really appreciate it.
My mind is filled with negativity. I am no longer motivated. No longer happy. Why is this?! I need something worth living for. My life is now dominated by money, pills, and sadness. I need to get these evil thoughts out of my brain. I’ve come so close to cutting myself, burning myself, and basically anything I can think of that is destructive to my body.
I have to figure out my future. I can’t live like this forever. This car accident seriously fucked me up. I was so happy up until that point. Fucking douchebag.
Holy fuck I’m lonely and depressing. I’m literally texting everyone I know just for someone to talk to and no one is responding. It’s like I smell of desperation. I don’t even know what to do right now. Kind if want to go walk down to the park and sit on the swings, just to get the fuck out of my house.
How can one person make me feel this way. Feel so much. I barely know him, yet I feel like I know everything about him. I have never had such deep and thought provoking conversations with any guy my own age, let alone younger. He makes me feel excited and like there’s so much in life that I have to look forward to. He makes me want to be the best possible version of myself. I don’t understand.. I feel like he isn’t even human. He’s too perfect, too amazing. I keep having to pinch myself to see if it’s all real.
This night is flawless, don’t you let it go
I’m wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I’ll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don’t be in love with someone else
Please don’t have somebody waiting on you
Seriously, why can’t I stop crying. I’ve literally been sitting here sobbing on and off all day. I should probably stop listening to depressing music..
I take back that last post. Just had the best week of my life. I’ve been crying non stop since I’ve been home because I just want to stay there forever.